Care; a state of mind.

Note: I know I've missed about 2 blogs lately. SORRY! This would be one of my attempt to catch up. Enjoy~

The door slammed behind her. She walked into her house with an attempted smile to find her father on the sofa working on his laptop. “Happy Birthday Daddy.” She said. Her father looked up and smiled, “oh, thanks you darling” lifting his head just so that she could kiss him on both cheeks. He went back to work and she carried her bag and bio text book up the stairs. The smile on her face had faded. She turned right after reaching the top floor and opened the door to her room. She sighed and closed the door behind her. Taking of her shoes in the corner of her room she dropped her bag on the bottom of her desk and went to the bathroom between her two closets. She then took off her socks and sighed at her own reflection.

She didn’t think she was ugly, she knew she wasn’t that good looking either. She smiled thanks to whoever was up there. She glanced at her phone, slightly heightening her hearing to see if she missed a call or a sms. Nothing. ‘Figures’ she thought. She then started taking off her school uniform and took a long warm shower. She closed her eyes and let the water wash away what she hoped to be her sadness. She wasn’t quite sure why she felt like she did, but she knew whatever it is, she was alone. Turning off the water she stepped out and clothed herself suddenly hearing her phone ring. ‘It’s probably him, let him wait. I’m dressing, I have an excuse. As if he cares.’ She mumbles out. Once she was dressed and comfortable in her pink bear PJs she went out to look at her phone. Hmm, two miss calls and a sms. She silently felt relived to think that he still cared. Suddenly she finds the two miss calls to be from her friend. She felt worse, thought she tries to hide it, even though there wasn’t anyone there. She shrugged and quickly replied her friend that she’ll deal with it. She pressed SEND and put the phone down on the desk.

She then went to her mother’s room to fit into a dress she bought earlier that day for her. She figured might as well. When she walked across the house she realized how silent it was. No older brother, no older sister. She realized she had missed them after all. She fell silent. It was almost deadly. She felt that the silence around her would be able to consume her, at the same time, she wished it would. ‘He’s probably just busy studying.’ She assured herself. Her attempt was fatal but she knew she couldn’t continue doing this to herself. When she finally went to see her mother the dress was already laid out for her. She tried the creamy cocktail dress with the black belt around her. Once she finished she saw herself. Skinny, ugly, repulsive and puffy; “yuck.” She went out to her mother and said, “I don’t like it at all. I prefer the other one.” Her mothers nodded, “definitely, take it off. It’s repulsive.” She did, and she left her room.

There she was, in her room once more. It wasn’t much, it wasn’t small either. She glanced at her phone, knowing that there wouldn’t be any messages or calls even if she did look. She decided to leave it there. She took her laptop and continued with one of her fanfics she usually makes during the night. She placed herself comfortably on the bed and turns it on. Putting in the music CD in the laptop she started listening to How to Deal – Brian McKnight. After a while, she hears her phone ring. A message. She didn’t glance but in her mind she hesitated and debated upon getting off her lazy bum and getting a message that might and might not be him. After about five minutes she decided to tear herself away from her work and no longer waste time debating by herself. She punched in her lock code and opened the message. It wasn’t him, it was her pastor. “This is so retarded.” She tossed her phone on her bed and continued her work. Inside, she hated herself for even caring. Cause he certainly didn’t.