Being Short

*Wow, it’s been, what, two months since I updated?…Ah well, hope this’ll make up for the time gaps, folks. Enjoy :) *


I swear they all seemed to be giants; large towering bulks of bodies striding past my small, insignificant being without so much of a glance let alone acknowledgement of my existence. Their eyes projected toward those of their own height, rarely looking downward, save for the few, rare moments in which a shoelace would come untied and they would have no other choice but to bend down and take notice of puny, little you. Sauntering down the busy streets of Toronto, where people of every personality, culture, as well as temperament would emerge, I often would feel even smaller and more vulnerable than I would otherwise have felt if I happened to be lost in the polluted alleyways of Indonesia, accentuating my lofty height of a mere 5”2 among the locals.

I admit, perhaps that was a bit of an exaggeration regarding my sentiments toward my given height. Ever since I moved to Indonesia, I realized that there are others of a much shorter measurement than I happen to be, but nonetheless, one could not keep the misgivings of intimidation at bay when compared to taller beings, especially in the instance of when they happen to stand side-by-side with you coincidentally in the elevator or wherever else chance meetings would take place. Living in Canada had definitely taught me a few things, one of them the idea that being short was not always fun and never truly advantageous, especially in a world filled with people who would smile at you indulgently as you strive to reach for a book placed at a particularly high shelf that they themselves could effortlessly reach. How that would at times irk me, especially when they ask if you need their assistance after you’ve stretched yourself to the limit on your tiptoes, with your arms flailing about you in desperation. Ha.

Numerous times I would resent my stubby little self, being reminded of my height, or lack thereof, every so often when a friend would remark that I’m practically a ‘midget’. How lovely is it also to be considered one of the tallest students in class when you’re 10, only to be surpassed in later years as the rest of your friends sprouted, leaving you behind in the same height as you were years ago. Thanks for the reminder that I myself often tell to others, I truly appreciate it. What’s even more frustrating would be that perfect strangers would also comment on my petite-ness (*ooh, I coined a new word!*); at an Esprit shop in Australia, I had so far managed to impress among the towering store sellers of my ‘small frame’ as I browsed for new jeans which were all of a larger measurement than I would’ve ever fit into! I walked out of the dressing room with jeans at least two inches too long for me, drawing out laughter from even myself as I twirled in front of a mirror.

Ah, the negative outlook on life I would eventually have if I must continually gawk upwardly at those giants. I’ve tried everything to grow taller; from praying for a growth spurt (only lasted a couple of days before I gave up) to jumping repeatedly to reach the ceiling in the hopes of such ridiculous movements would stretch my little self length-wise rather than sideways. For the last couple of years, I’ve finally decided to accept the fact that I will always be short and could do nothing else to change that physical trait unless some miracle was granted to me. I’ve tried to convince myself since now that being short isn’t always so bad, so long as I could fend for myself despite my height on the streets or wherever else I may be. So far, it isn’t working. But I’ll persuade myself yet :)

A Matter of Heart

Note: I apologize for any offensive material or any flaws. By the way, is the use of the term "ass" permissible? If it is not, please notify so I could replace it with something else.

It was upon noticing that the last two entries are mine, that I truly feel sorrow.
I am not a man who keeps his commitments or even care, but man, is it how the younger generation is now? Do they do everything half-ass like this blog? That even a half-ass person like me noticed? Talk about not keeping commitments. Originally, the posts were supposed to be once a week. Then it was pushed to twice a week. Yet the last entry other than mine is dated January 2. Two months without an entry other than mine, which means around seventeen entries that seems to be either invisible or not done...

I am not complaining about the less work I have to do. Rather I am complaining about how what everyone does is half-ass and does not have an inch of heart if its not for their own self. It filled me tongue with bitterness as I was hoping to get the "Half-ass no heart" award, but since there is so much competition, it had been rather hard. sob -_-

This is probably the problem plaguing our society today. There is not an inch of altruism in a mile of youngsters out there. Half-ass friendships. Half-ass work. Half-ass talk. Half-ass eating. Half-ass dating. I realize that there is probably very little meaning in everything and anything they do but it truly scares me of how so many people had not even an inch of heart to devote to such a small commitment and it truly reflects in their level of devotion. What scares me even more is how if this continues how others might suffer. How long till you are taking your old parents in a half-ass manner? Or how long till you don't put in even half an ass and just abandon your commitments.

Its Chinese New Year people! Time to make resolutions. Its time to put your whole ass where the work is no matter how sore your buttocks will be in the end. I am probably the last person to say this since I am a loafer but how busy can you be that you cannot afford to spend minus 30 minutes typing some short but meaningful entry in a four day holiday. It might of course be just a mistake of mine though that you have half-ass attitude. And if so please forgive me, I do not mean to offend you. Surely your brain is too important for this kind of things. Or that you are too busy with your friends and I having no friends, have no place to criticize you for your endlessly busy social life. The truth is life is full of obligations and if you can't keep one even though you don't like it or even if you are hellishly busy, that alone makes me judge you.
And frankly, I am tired of judging people in a bad manner.

The Political Man

Being rather detached from common matters, it has not come to my attention that indeed, politics had dominated the world, that every child, teen, man and woman are interested, knowledgeable and regularly practice politics. Such a revelation astounded me endlessly and even more so when I found out that I too was involved in such intricacies of politics despite my best effort. Upon this discovery, I had noticed that within a certain group, there are certain recurring roles in the relational politics within usual social groups and had taken the time to notice their most prominent roles and traits, which I had listed down below.

The first role would be the black sheep, which is at the outermost of the social circle. The black sheep is not necessarily disliked but most often is. Open hostility might occur, in varying degrees and occasions but in most cases, hostility is covert and other members usually treat the black sheep decently. A number of factors could establish one as the black sheep within a group, most prominently: color, age, gender or abilities. Usually, the most prominent factor would be abilities, as society had never tolerated failure and inferiority compared to the other factors. In government politics, lack of wealth would be the most deciding factor as money indeed covers up for any crippling traits. The black sheep is ostracized from the rest of the group in various ways though depending on the group the role of the black sheep is not completely transparent as the black sheep could also be in the inner circles but be the one the rest of the circle secretly make fun of behind his back.

The second role would be the leader sheep, one who directs the trend in the social circle. Usually, the person is in the inner circle and thus could influence the rest of the circle on what to hate or like. This role is the one who is most influential in the decision of who the black sheep is. This person is usually the most charismatic and is usually adored by the rest of the circle, along with a certain confidence and ability to talk well with the rest of the group. A major drawback would be that those at the outmost circle would usually have resentment towards this leader. All social events would include the leader sheep and the rest of the group usually follows the political views of the leader sheep despite their own values.

The third role would be the neutral sheep. This person having no sides is rather more oblivious to any politics than the rest of the circle. In fact, they could not even be considered as in any circle. The neutral sheep does not take sides in argument unless it directly involves them or their values. The neutral sheep is usually a tag-along with any group, have an agreeable and friendly nature that no one dislikes but no one sincerely likes as well. This type of role is rarely involved in anything social or rarely has any social information unless they happen to be in earshot. The neutral sheep is most likely to be converted to the black sheep when the role of black sheep is lost or temporarily gone and of such usually have sympathy for the black sheep.
The fourth role would be that of the playful sheep. This sheep provides comic into the otherwise dreary life of the social group. Usually does amusing things and well liked by most of the group. In the middle circles of the group.

The rest of the group would be the followers of the leader in that clique. Usually easily manipulated and gas lighted. This does not mean that they are stupid, but easily influenced.
These roles are usually inter-mixed though and a person with a role might adopt similar characteristics to other roles. In my mind, even if it took me several lifetimes, I would never really understand everything about politics and I sincerely decline to even try. The thing is, despite whatever I say that it is unavoidable to have politics because it is inbreeded into the core of relationships. And that is probably why I am forced to take notice no matter what, even though it is a huge bother.