At first, I lost 9 games in a row. But then WINNING. WINning gives such an electrifying sensation. So pleasant and warmth. Though it almost didn't mean anything.
IT still felt as if I accomplished something...beating others at their own game (all my wins were Terran :) with a protoss at a side...)Though I have only won 3 games though as of late and will probably get beaten down soon enough...but it felt good just the same. Not being the worst at it. Anyways I will try to study up a bit later on to make up for it cuz I feel old of a sudden what with everybody doing all these great works. But I guess no matter how I great I get I still won't get her attention huh? haha would it be wishful thinking? To hope she likes me? just a bit maybe?
Or is my indifferent act too perfect? I really should get rid of this impersonal ego X_X after all old friends are old friends and new friends are different. I should try different stratergies. After all like in Starcraft II, you have to change your stratergies depending on who you face. HMMMmmmm I kinda wish I brushed up more on being warm and affectionate. Its not too easy as of lately being that manner.
I should try. But with a girl...being at her mercy...is not too pleasant.
Pride. You would think not being good at anything would stave that of....
Anyways thinking of writing a series of short collections to vent off to so might be blogging a bit less (once every ten years? MWAHAHAHA) heck, not even sure why I am mentioning it. I guess I thought if I blog about it I will follow through. In my stories, I'll probably write about her tho...I CAN'T help thinking about her.
Am I that shallow? Seriously.....I don't even know her -____-
And she doesn't like me at all (maybe...? I DON'T KNOW)
Maybe it's because I am studying engineering that I get attracted to girls so quickly? I mean girls in engineering ...Heck it took barely 6 weeks for me to like a girl now? haha its odd
ARGGH. It's probably a combination of insecurity and pride that I am keeping the status quo up. FOR now I'll just distract myself with other stuff. After all if love's real, it would find a way right?...DAMN it really is better to be loved than to love ain't it? I really hope HE doesn't like her and get to her. I like him alright but....it would crush me X__X
It has happened so often that...Maaan. I'll rather become gay if this fails again and I have to go through something like this repeatedly. IT doesn't help being an insecure bastard. I DREAD. He's a good person though. Remarkably good. But someone's gotta hurt in this. Both of them don't know it yet. Heck it's probably going to be me and they won't even know it. I really DREAD that. Being unhappy all by yourself. You would think I would get used to that haha. I really do need a companion before I lose everything. ANY TAKERS? Nobody? I'll be good to you...
