Dalmatian Post

Have been such a deadbeat lately. I thank God that I have the opportunity and privilege of being able to change my course of life, unlike many others. Going back to Indonesia pretty soon. Kinda, sort of excited though on the other hand I do feel some guilt in that in Indonesia with many conveniences readily available, I will not strive to develop myself. I shall try though. I think one of my virtues is trying again after a long period of giving up. I guess not being a genius have its perks.

These days, I feel that so little things have value to me. Is it what they call a spiritual death, I wonder? In turn, this has hindered my desire to strive. Not that the desire was particularly strong to start with. However I have the good fortune of people around me striving and seeing this daily struggle has lit a very dim spark for me to strive harder.

All in all, I hope that God continues to permit me to grow. I shall try myself but I know above all that I can't do it alone. Hmmm sidetracked and digression lately, my attempts of humouring others have fallen despite the fact that I watch a lot of comedy. Yes, I am silly. I think this is the most degraded all my skills have been. One aspect of Indonesia I am certain to enjoy is the piano for which I aim to improve on this summer. Other aspects I still am uncertain with but I will leave it to God. Privilege is a heavy burden to bear when you are ordinary.

Recent Annoyances and Finds

I might sound like the slackers in accordance with the Zeitgeist generation( which I kinda am but not in this context), but I do dislike it when people play hard to get (hard to reach/ignoring my attempts to reach them). As if life is not arduous and short enough as it is. On the other hand it might be that people generally dislike me but if that is not so then the world is a very annoying place indeed.

Anyway I tell myself again and again that I won't expect any romance any more and this time I suppose that it's my fault for having such expectations. Is it so horrible to have hope? After all I am young and is it so bad to hope for some kind of youthful romance? Though I suppose it has low probability of happening because of my personality. With my personality, it seems nothing lasts for long despite a short time of connection. I wonder if I do have commitment issues or some kind of underlying issue which makes me lose friends. Anyway, this entry is the epitome of hypocrisy since I am also on the hard to reach spectrum but I guess you hate traits that you most dislike in yourself. Pardon me as well because internet connection's been a bitch lately. I am used to not really having many relationships but having internet keeps me stimulated enough to keep the depression and loneliness at bay and this horrible VODAFONE wireless connection is running my temper dry.

Anyway, I really should be studying but then I can't seem to start. Here is the part where having friends would really help. All in all, those are the issues I have been troubled with lately. First world issues I know and quite shallow I am ashamed to say. But my life is miserable enough as it is without introspection so apologies for now. I shall inspect life further when my mood alleviates. But for now I bid you adieu~

Media Note: Tangled is a pretty good movie, didn't think it would be so original and with such a fresh implementation. Main character's pretty attractively portrayed and script's solid.

Manga Found: Sket Dance is excellent as well despite my previous aversion to trying it out. But it's waaaayyy better than Yankee kun to megane chan. Shingeki no kyoujin was good but I think I shall drop it simply because it is too shounen for my tastes. It is fresh but I do prefer some comedy and I can predict where the plot is going unlike Sket Dance. This is probably why I prefer comedy. I do enjoy surprise and I do like the lack of romance in Sket Dance; it cheers me up and doesn't remind me of sad happenings. Also finished Level E, pretty decent too.

Anime Found: Hanasaku no Iroha

Anime Songs Found: boku ga boku no mama, immoralist (dragon zakura), mirai nikki and deadman wonderland song.

Websites I found : 8Track

Apologies for the lack of articulation and the simplicity of the sentence constructs, typing this out very fast and without thought. Just getting thoughts down somewhere.

99 and lethargy

This would become my 99 th post so far. Can't believe I actually have so much to write. And so much touchy feely crap. Have been avoiding people in general these days. I think life might be cyclical in that way. There was a time near the end of high school which things like these happened as well. And at this point, I think I am pretty much done with romantic relationships. Henceforth if it came to be that I fancy a girl, I would rather let it pass than pursue it. I neither have the energy nor the perseverance to follow through and be likeable at this point. The reason why I have been avoiding people? Simply because there is enough pain in my life as it is. Not going to bother adding more. Relationships seem to change like the wind. It could be good for 3 years and then suddenly you stop talking without a clear reason... My grades seem to be independent of classes I attend so I pray it would repeat this semester as well. A pretty crap entry for my 99 th post. But meh. What can you do? Anyways have a 30% assignment which I must do which I am pretty screwed for (due in 2 days) thus the procrastination. And I do not have the stamina for assignments now in that I can't do all nighters anymore =S we'll see what I can do...

Victories

Didn't think I would do it but finally beat Johnny in pool and ping pong. Improvements overall even in uni studies. Still love LL but let's see how time does its doing. Infatuation and obsession has faded replaced by anxiousness. Wondering what time will do. Wondering what God will do. Amen.

What has been up

Been ages since my last update. Uni is killing me very softly for a degree which won't be my future profession. sigh. Met up with someone I've been chatting online lately and very disappointed to find myself at loss for words. On the other hand, met Laura today and had words to say to her and that's all that matters. I guess chatting online has its dangers. Or maybe I need to upgrade my social skills to cover people that don't do engineering. Anyways, found out that a mini-reunion had occured back in Indonesia. Somehow people haven't changed that much. Glad to hear that and the world keeps spinning.
Need to feel less anxious about Laura and leave it to God. Thankful to God. Whatever God has given me though I fear that I will lose it at times because I want so much more. Thus the anxiety. I feel like I am going crazy at times. Anyways uni has been interesting. Managed to convert input binary to decimal. Finally found out the source of my error, modifying the variable while always thinking the variable was 1 just because it was declared previously. Feel so stupid! But putting my brain to slightly more use though not that much...still pretty lazy. Things haven't changed that much after all!

Name

I dislike my name.

Introspect

So there I was, in a party at night. I soon became embroiled in a conversation with three other friends regarding Indonesia. The conversation was very... negative. It increased my doubts regarding whether I should move back to Indonesia when I do graduate. Yet, there is no point in my staying here either...

Things I want to do now
Delete facebook, on one hand it connected me to great, new people but on the other hand...it's a very sad reminder and every time I open it, I could almost cry.

Interesting Quote: I'll die for you ...but I won't live for you.
If future Vincent finds the source one day, be sure to write it down!