random thoughts: on death, on life, on everything.

I remembered being fully awake in my car as my family got ready to leave my grandparent's house. At 52, my grandfather had heart problems and had to use a special equipment to help him breath normally. However, it didn't stop him from kissing me on the forehead and telling my family to come back again the next day. It was 1 A.M. in the morning.

I remembered my sister shouting to me from inside the house, disrupting my leisure swim around the swimming pool. I scolded her for interrupting and asked what seemed to be the problem. She told me to get dressed as soon as possible.

"Kung-Kung meninggal."

It was 8 A.M. of the same day.

- -

I remembered Ringo, my dad's friend's son, driving me to the mall with his siblings as our family treated them to a movie and a few games at the nearby arcade. He was curious about my personal life, something I did not wish to meddle in at that time. However, it still turned out to be a fun day for all of us.

I remembered playing a game late at night when I heard cries of shock upstairs. My dad rushed downstairs and asked whether or not I'd like to accompany him to the morgue. Needless to say, Ringo had died. He was in his 20s.

My dad's friend was surprisingly calm as we met him in the hospital. Ringo was lying on a bed, his face covered by a white sheet. The nurse removed it, and all I saw was an all too familiar face covered in blood-soaked bandages. An ambulance took Ringo's body to his house as my car followed behind it. I got to see Ringo's siblings mourning for him; a sight I've never seen, and an emotion I've never felt. Ringo died instantly trying to stop a hit-and-run bus from escaping. He was riding a motorbike, which was completely destroyed.

And I thought these stuff only happen in movies and to strangers I've never met and cared about..

"Stuff like these happen even in your own backyard."
This is true, but before it does happen, we still fail to understand how close it really gets.

- -

Parents scold. It's what they do.
It gets so annoying that I still can't get used to it.

I was reading a book a few days ago when I overheard my mother scolding my little brother about how he treats his homework jokingly. Every time, my parents would tell me of how I'd miss their scolds when they have died. I closed my eyes and imagined a world without them, without their advices, their scolds, and their presence. It was scary.

- -

It's 3 in the morning and I still have no idea why I write this post. I am aware however, that these were thoughts that kept me awake at night these past few days, thoughts that wrestled with my rational and moral approach on how to see the world, and thoughts that create nightmares, doubts, and regrets.

"Live life to the fullest. Live it as if every day's your last day on Earth."

Superman once saved a man from a falling building, and the man asked him: "What can I do to repay you?"

The caped crusader calmly replied, "Live a life worth saving."

I'll do just that.

The man became Steel, another superhero, and a close friend of Superman. :)