Conciousness

Why does everything seem like a cliche? Movies, conversations and the like.
Well maybe so in the theory of my little world, but then there are times that something you find sends shivers down your spine. Does that make life worth living?
Isn't life quite odd then. These long sentences of dullness punctuated by brief periods of color. Is it worth reading the sentence when all you are looking for is the final dot in "the end"?

Of cliches, perhaps a suitable comparison I could make is that feeling of certainty that you have let go of your feelings for a girl only to be betrayed by your very own heartbeat upon meeting her.

When I contemplate about the people who have forgotten me or past friends, I feel quite sad? It probably bodes not very well that I no longer care as much about meeting them and returning to the supposed good old days. Odd isn't it to find things cliche but yet seek nostalgia? The previous year I was looking forward so much to meeting people I haven't met for so long. And when I met them, it was truly disappointing. People are always so incredibly disappointing. I suppose unrequited feelings are a forte of mine though its quite painful to be forgotten long ago. Just once I want to be pleasantly surprised instead of feeling disappointed at myself and everyone.

There's so little things I am good at. It's quite terrifying really. Being so
replaceable?
disposable?
Of all the things to feel normalcy in. It had to be these feelings.
Well Fuck. Quite odd how a person without any spectacular traits lack ambition or the better aspects in life. Like consideration and love. God's plans are odd to say the best (If there is a plan).

Is this all there is to life? I am quite content, I don't seem to have regrets. I have done things and there doesn't seem to be much more to life for me to do. (perhaps sex and drugs? which are highly unlikely for me)
But all the same...I still don't know what it means to be happy.

Quite a lot of leg pain from over exercise. On the bright side I kinda understand how house m.d. feels. On the other hand, it's not pleasant at all. Damn him damn him. How painful it is to be constricted by your own body! For my legs to betray me! I am disappointed to say the least.

I am terrified. It seems I seem to be getting accustomed to being alone. More and more. More and more. More and more. Maybe I should stay off the internet. But I can't seem to enjoy people's company as much anymore except for very few exceptions. There never seems to be anything that you can do to make somebody happy. There's always going to be some gripe. Bitches. Maybe I am not around the right people? IF that is so. Why are there so little of the right people?

I am so tired without suffering. Sorry blog, you are my only place to whine. If anyone ever read this and thinks that I am a whiner. Well Fuck you. You with the friends, lover, good grades, ambitions, goals and success. Fuck you.

Odd really. Even those with little to live for still want to live for that little all the same. But if you ask me, I honestly don't know what it is. Perhaps it's because I still have some ways to go like a child who only lives because he is living. But even so. It really is tiring. Life. I can only wait for Gordot now.

Recent Happenings: Its 2012 now. I probably won't remember to write 2012 on dates and still keep writing 2011 for a while. How time flies. Only last year I lost a love, I hope this year would be more pleasant. 2011 was horrible to say the least. Many people died (Saddam Hussein, Kim Jeong Il, Gaddafi, Dennis Ritchie, Steve Jobs, Amy Winehouse) it really is quite saddening thinking of the end of life. Quite disappointing to think that I used to love a girl who would regard a loss of life with amusement. You know what Fuck her, if I regret one thing in Sydney it would be meeting her. I might be the fox with sour grapes but you know, I don't like fruits that much anyway. Worse comes to worst, I'll save up for a prostitute. It annoyed me that I had these deluge of feelings really and it annoyed me now for lack of them.
Why can't God be a moderate God?

All in all, Kim Jeong Un holding the reins seem interesting. Though I doubt anything would happen, no one's that irrational these days it seems. Worried about supposed future solar activities of 2012 though (What would I do without internet???)Really should read up on current events so I can update this blog more. I mean all this emotional stuff feels good to release but then the occasional thing on current events can't hurt either to build up my writing skills (or what little of it I have). Note: Brush up on Chinese! One of the very few things that I can hold over anyone might perhaps be my bilingualism (not as much bi as semi quad at this point though muahahaha) Worried I might be losing my mind/intelligence at the moment. But well might be time for me to pull up my sleeves and screw everyone over. After all even I am dumb, I can be a creative bastard and if I am dumb doesn't that mean my tricks would be harder to see through? Way to look at the bright side though.