To Talk the Walk

*NOTE* - This blog entry may echo some of the themes presented by Valentine in a previous entry, though maybe not as cynical. Just a head’s up is anyone’s wondering if some of the things I wrote sounded familiar.

I poked my shoe against the wooden pews, internally wincing as I heard a girl’s voice rang out from behind me to ask yet another question. Her words rang hollowly in my ears and I stared at the ceiling to cover up any signs of frustration. It was Thursday, the day when all the girls from Gr. 6-9 were to come to the sanctuary to talk and have devotions during the remainder of our lunch period. I sighed deeply and leaned back on my pew as the girl behind me continued to talk. As the girl’s voice began to fade from my hearing, I reviewed the events of the past few days which made my stomach churned with regret and guilt. A scene flew past my enclosed my mind which made me sink even more under the heavy weight of shame.

I was walking around in our classroom, just before our lunch break was over, holding a book in my hand, talking to a friend of mine who was typing away on her laptop.

“She is so annoying, I just can’t stand her! She’s always trying to suck up to the teachers, you know? And she’s always showing off her stupid collection of stuff! I mean, who even cares?” I complained to her.

My friend glanced up and nodded, “Yeah, you’re right. She’s such a snob, always trying to make people like her when it’s obvious that she’s lost her chance last year. Everyone knows what kind of person she is now.”

I sat back down on my chair and began to diss her, about how horrible she sang in our school musical and how she always secretly reads a book when the teacher was talking without her getting into trouble; my friend agreed to everything I said with fervor. Soon afterward, class began again, but the girl I insulted stayed quiet at the back of the room without so much as a peep. It wasn’t until during PE class that she told me she heard everything I said about her. She was walking up to our classroom when she heard us talking. Her eyes were red with tears and I realized that the amount of trust she previously placed on me as a friend broke. My stomach churned within me again, and I raised my hand to ask the question burning inside of me.

One of the teachers called on me and I explained how guilty I felt about insulting the girl and how, as Christians, I could stop being hypocritical and a gossip. I immediately recalled some other situations where I’ve told people I desired to follow Jesus while gossiping and hurting someone afterward. One of the younger girls in front of me suddenly turned around and stated simply how we could never escape the world of gossip and hypocrisy because we are in it, we breathe it, and therefore, we should accept it as something that is normal and forgivable.

That was one statement I couldn’t accept.

Over the next couple of years, I was unable to say how sorry I was in insulting her because my pride and my desire to be respected by my classmates overruled my desire to do what Jesus would have me do. I now look back on this event as one of the worst of my life because it truly showed me how low a human character can sweep. To many people, gossiping and talking about others behind their backs might not seem like a big deal. It wasn’t a big sin, nor was it something which could destroy someone’s life to the extent that they would kill themselves. Nonetheless, it was still a sin, something that we know we aren’t supposed to do yet we do it anyway (this has something to do with Moral Law…I might write something about that in a later entry).

Many times, we gossip, become hypocritical so often that we no longer feel guilty about it, allowing us to call ourselves so-called ‘Christians’ without truly understanding the magnitude of importance of carrying out our faith in our walk and actions. The talk is easy; one doesn’t need experience or learning to become a sinner. It’s the living out of our faith that’s truly difficult, and no matter how many times this message was played out (and yes, it does seem like I’m preaching to you), the issue is always going to be there.

This entry is not supposed an academic essay (forgive my horrible vocabulary and grammar), but a personal opinion from someone who experienced the harm the power of words could have on people and used it to hurt others. It’s nothing to be proud of, and still today I regret at not having repaired the friendship with the girl I insulted so horribly (I didn’t just tease her for one day…I insulted her for the next entire year as well…I still cringe when I think about my actions). Going against God's wordnot only harms and hurts others, it ultimately hurts you.

Christians are called by God to be salt of the earth, to spread the love of God and his truth for the entire world to experience, know, and understand. To walk the talk of the Christian faith is not something which is simple to do, especially with our individual sinful nature. Only a lifetime of prayer and help from God can improve how we view the world and others, even in this modern society where right and wrong is relative.